


Dib Breakdown Momence

by GarlGarlic



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Autistic Dib (Invader Zim), Crying, Dib is suicidal and homicidal, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kissing, M/M, Meltdown, Mental Health Issues, Mentally Ill Dib (Invader Zim), Planned murder-suicide, Self-Injurious Stimming, ambiguous disorder, breakdown - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:41:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29225640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GarlGarlic/pseuds/GarlGarlic
Summary: Dib has been getting worse. Him and Torque have a long talk about it.
Relationships: Dib & Torque Smackey, Dib/Torque Smackey
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Dib Breakdown Momence

**Author's Note:**

> ZADRs go away or I will attack you like a rabid animal. Do not test me.  
> -  
> The characters are around 14 in this. Their relationship is left purposefully ambiguous.

Torque Smackey had been friends with Dib for a few years now. Dib was weird, and he talked a lot, but the two of them got along pretty well. Plus, they both immensely disliked Zim, and so they were often able to bond by participating in some tag-team bullying of Zim.

Dib sometimes got a bit to into it.  
A bit too violent.  
Something was going on with him.

Torque could tell from the way he lashed out. From the threats of grotesque acts of violence that he would throw at Zim. From the way that he constantly seemed so, so tired. Torque wasn’t the smartest person, but he could tell that something was wrong.

Dib invited Torque to hang out at his house after school one day, and Torque agreed to come. One the bus, on the way to Dib’s house, Dib seemed... angry? Happy? Tired? A weird mix of all three. That was it. Something felt wrong. Torque could feel that something was wrong.

They arrived at Dibs house, and made their way past Gaz, who was sitting on the couch playing video games with a piece of pizza held in her mouth, and up the stairs, to Dibs room.

It was a mess. The floor was littered with dirty clothes and trash. Mostly energy drink cans. There was a knives carelessly hanging of the edge of his dresser. Dib sat down on his bed, and gestured to invite Torque to sit next to him. Torque did. They sat in silence for a moment.

"So, what’re we gonna do, bro?" Torque asked. Dib looked distant.  
"I need to tell you something." Dib said. There was no emotion in his voice.  
"What?"

Dib hesitated for a moment, before steeling himself. he was committed to what he was about to say. "I’m going to kill Zim."  
Torque stared at him, not quite sure if this was really happening anymore.  
"He’s dangerous." Dib continued, his voice hollow and detached. "You and I both know he’s an alien. His actions have already killed people. He needs to be stopped, for good."

Torque did know that Zim was an alien. He had known since pretty early on, when Zim was eating everyone’s organs. He gave the organs back, though No one who it was except for him and Dib.  
And Torque did know that Zim’s actions had killed people, though often it seemed like it was more from carelessness that maliciousness.

"Won’t you, like, go to prison?" Torque asked.  
"I’m killing myself too." Dib said. Torque’s stomach dropped.  
"That’s why I need to do this. I’m- I’m not gonna be here to stop Zim anymore." Dib was shaking a lot now. His voice was starting to break. "The consequences won’t matter. I’ll be dead. Nothing matters anymore... I can do anything. I feel like... like a god."  
Dib was smiling, suppressing sobs as tears ran down his cheeks. Torque felt sick.

"I- I don’t want you to help. I just- just want you to not stop me." Dib curled in on himself. He looked just as sick as Torque felt.  
Torque tentatively wrapped his arms around Dib and pulled him into a hug. Dib didn’t resist. He just wept into Torque’s shoulder.

Torque tried to think of what to do. Their city had shit mental health care. Any hospital or doctor that he called in this city would probably hurt him. He couldn’t tell Dib’s dad. Professor Membrane would just mock him and make the situation worse. He felt himself die a bit inside as he realized that he was the only thing standing between Dib and a murder-suicide.

So he just held onto him. Because he didn’t know what else to do. He was utterly helpless.  
"Dude I’m... I’m not gonna let you do this." He said softly.  
"You can’t stop me. I can do anything. I can do anything." He chanted the phrase a few more times. This wasn’t an argument that Torque could win.

The two of them sat there for a while, Dib sobbing and laughing and sobbing into Torque’s shoulder, and Torque holding him tightly as bile rose in his throat.

Eventually Dib seemed to relax. He pulled back and looked at Torque as though he was staring through him. His expression was utterly vacant.

"You should probably go home. Your parents will wonder where you are. I have some things to work on."  
"I’m not leaving you." Torque said.  
"Torque, you can’t stop me. I need to do this."  
"No you don’t! I’m not going to let you!" Torque yelled, getting upset. He didn’t know what to do.

Dib started crying again. And then he curled inwards, hands clawing at his own arms and face, and screamed. He rocked back and forth, sobbing wand wailing and slamming his fists on his legs, and clawing at his own skin. Torque started crying too.

"WHY DO YOU CARE WHAT I DO?! I’M AN AWFUL PERSON, AND A DISGUSTING FUCKING FREAK! _**NO ONE**_ HAS EVER GIVEN A **_SHIT_** ABOUT ME IN MY ENTIRE _**LIFE**_ , SO WHY DO YOU?!" Dib screamed. His voice was hoarse from all the crying.  
" **BECAUSE YOU’RE MY FRIEND!** " Torque screamed back. "I don’t know why people hate you so much, but that’s- it’s really wrong of them, dude. You’re- You’re passionate, and you have a strong sense of right and wrong, and you try so hard no matter how much people tell that what you’re doing is pointless. And I don’t know what’s happening to you, or why you’re hurting so much that you want to commit a- a- murder suicide. But you’re my friend, and I love you. And you- you don’t deserve to hurt like this."

Dib stared at him for a moment. He seemed stunned. Tears and snot were streaming down his face as he stared, mouth agape, at Torque.

And then he leaned foreword and slammed his lips against Torque’s. Torque let out a sound of surprise, but didn’t pull back. Dib was crying against his face, getting Torque’s face covered in his tears and snot and spit. He had never kissed anyone before, and it showed. Torque wasn’t entirely sure if this was a kiss from attraction, or if Dib was just... lonely, and so, so tired of being hated, that he was grasping for any affection he could get.

After a moment he pulled back.  
"Sorry." Dib mumbled. "I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry." He started crying harder again.

Torque pulled him into a hug, and Dib cried into his shoulder.  
"It’s alright dude." Torque said. "It’s... It’s been a long time since someone’s told you they loved you, hasn’t it?"  
"This is the first time." Dib choked out.  
"What about your dad?"  
"He hates me." Dib sobbed. "He’s always wanted to get rid of me. Cause I- Cause I ruin his perfect fucking reputation."  
Torque rubbed his back soothingly. "I’m really sorry, dude. That’s- that’s not right."

"I think somethings wrong with me, Torque. I don’t feel like myself. I don’t feel like I’m in control of myself. Sometimes I- I think things are happening that really aren’t. Sometimes I have to do things, and I do them- but- but there’s no rationality to it. I’m scared." Dib’s voice was shaking, though his sobs had finally calmed down.

"Well- I- I don’t know what to do. Or how to help you. But I’m gonna stay with you, man. We’re gonna get through this together." Torque replied.  
"Thank you." Dib mumbled.

**Author's Note:**

> Dibs experiences a with mental illness is based on my own. I am medicated and doing better now.  
> -  
> If you are struggling with mental illness, I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this. No one does. If you can get help, please do so. It can be really good for you. Doing little things like consistently drinking enough water, getting exercise, or watching funny videos can be a huge help too.


End file.
